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#1
21-11-2010, 12:32 PM
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Attorney/Witness
These quotes are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters.
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ____________ _________ _________ __ ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? WITNESS: July 18th. ATTORNEY: What year? WITNESS: Every year. ____________ _________ _________ _______ ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ____________ _________ _________ ________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget things. ATTORNEY: You forget things? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ____________ _________ _________ _______ ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? WITNESS: Forty-five years. ____________ _________ _________ _____ ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: Because my name is Susan ____________ _________ _________ ________ ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ____________ _________ _________ ______ ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty year old, how old is he? WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty ____________ _________ _________ _________ _ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS : Would you repeat the question? ____________ _________ _________ ________ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Uh.... ____________ _________ _________ ________ ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: And how many were girls? ____________ _________ _________ ________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? ____________ _________ _________ ________ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard. ATTORNEY: And was this person a male or a female? ____________ _________ _________ ________ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ____________ _________ _________ _______ ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: Dah, all of them. ____________ _________ _________ ________ ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? WITNESS: OK. ATTORNEY: What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral. ____________ _________ _________ ________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. ATTORNEY: And Mr Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him. ____________ _________ _________ _________ _____ ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Huh? ____________ _________ _________ _________ _____ ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATT ORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. 
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#2
21-11-2010, 01:30 PM
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 Good ol U S of A
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#3
22-11-2010, 08:31 AM
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some of them are jut so Stoopid........have to say sitting as a judge i would be struggling to hold it all in
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#4
22-11-2010, 09:35 AM
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#6
23-11-2010, 08:40 PM
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I know ive had a drink BUT
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