Duck

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A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich.
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The barman looks at him and says "Hang on! You're a duck."
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"I see your eyes are working" replies the duck.
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"And you can talk!" exclaims the barman.
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"I see your ears are working too" says the duck.
"Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?"
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"Certainly, sorry about that" says the barman as he pulls the duck a pint.
"It's just we don't get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing round this way?"
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"I'm working on the building site across the road” explains the duck.
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The flabbergasted barman cannot believe the duck and wants to learn more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it.
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So the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids the barman good day and leaves.
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The same thing happens every day for two weeks.
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Then one day the circus comes to town.
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The Ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the barman says to him "You're with the circus, aren't you?
Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus.*He talks, drinks beer, eats*sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything!"
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"Sounds marvelous" says the Ringmaster, handing over his business card. "Get him to give me a call."
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So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the barman says "Hey Mr Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money."
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"In this trade I'm always loIoking for the next job” says the duck "Where is it?"
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"At the circus” says the barman.
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"The circus?" repeats the duck.
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"That's right” replies the barman.
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"The circus?" the duck asks again “with the big tent?"
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"Yeah," the barman replies.
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"With all the animals who live in cages and performers who live in caravans?" says the duck.
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"Of course!" the barman replies.
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"And the tent has*canvas*sides and a big*canvas*roof with a hole in the middle?" persists the duck.
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"That's right!" says the barman.
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The duck shakes his head in amazement.
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"What the **** would they want with a plasterer?"
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[Tomma]

very good

[chris wrx]

Quality, the misus liked that, probably cause she keeps 12 ducks.

[Bolesroor]

Quack Quack

[Moley_WRX]

Another duck walks into a bar and asks: "Got any Bread?"

Barman says: "No."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, we have no bread."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, we haven't got any f**king bread."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, are you deaf?! We haven't got any f**king bread, ask me again and I'll nail your f**king beak to the bar you irritating bast**d of a f**king bird!"

Duck says: "Got any nails?"

Barman says: "No"

Duck says: "Got any bread?

[chris wrx]

pmsl , keep em comming.