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Non Scooby / Non Car Related Anything Non-Scooby related. |
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Alerts to recient threats according to John Cleese
ALERTS TO THREATS IN 2011 EUROPE
By JOHN CLEESE The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Libya and have therefore raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.” The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada. The Scots have raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let’s get the Bastards.” They don’t have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years. The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide.” The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France ‘s white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country’s military capability. Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.” The Germans have increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbor” and “Lose.” Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels . The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy. Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from “No worries” to “She’ll be alright, Mate.” Two more escalation levels remain: “Crikey! I think we’ll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!” and “The barbie is canceled.” So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level. – John Cleese – British writer, actor and tall person |
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Absolutely brilliant
Love the French bit |
#3
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Very funny!
whilst on the subject of John Cleese..... When asked by Jay Leno to explain the main differences between the English and the Americans, John Cleese answered as follows: a) We speak English. b) When we host an international event, we invite other countries. c) When we meet our head of state, we only have to go down on one knee. (Reference to Clinton having his cigar smoked).
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If it seems that everything is coming your way.... Your on the wrong side of the road! |
#4
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Love it!
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2005 Spec B 6MT - KiDO tuned (~270Bhp)
Custom exhaust - Cosworth filter - Samco Intake - Tints - Bilstein B8/B6 & STI springs - SuperPro ALK - Whiteline positive shift kit, rack mounts, rear adjustable camber bushes, front ARB mounts & strut brace, 20mm rear ARB with AVO mounts, - Hardrace Gearbox and pitch mounts - Prodrive PFF7's - Front Brembos - Kenwood CarPlay - 1/2 carbon grille - STI front splitter |
#5
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Lol excellent
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Cooper man!!!!! |
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Excellent !!
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Toyobaru 86 with Cosworth exhaust brakes and supercharger, Cosworth mapping, Eibach lowering springs, OZ alloys, fast road geo and various cosmetics. Great fun! |
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Brilliant
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#9
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I love the spanish one.
Working with a Spanish company and their arrogance just isn't funny. It's worse than the French :eek |
#10
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Love the spanish one.
Working with the spanish at the moment and their arrogance is worse than the French |
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